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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24806245">A Menace</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kallonimo/pseuds/Kallonimo'>Kallonimo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shakarian Quarantine Project [33]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Established Relationship, F/M, Humor, minor injury, no beta we die like jenkins, prompt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:22:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>941</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24806245</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kallonimo/pseuds/Kallonimo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard accidentally kicks a hole into her furniture.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Shakarian Quarantine Project [33]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1751218</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Prompt Category: Random<br/>Prompt: “Did you seriously just get your foot stuck in a toilet?” “Maybe”</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shepard has always had a habit of...kicking things.</p><p>While she may seem controlled on the surface, she finds it hard to hold in her frustration and so she took up the habit to swallow her emotion until alone in her room or cabin and then...kick things. She tends to pace up and down a room, occasionally kicking at the furniture until all the frustrated energy deflates. It has worked pretty well so far.</p><p>But her life has been as stressful as never before lately, so at this point every piece of furniture in her cabin aboard the Normandy has been kicked or punched at least once. Everything except the Hamster Cage. </p><p>She is standing in front of the mirror, splashing cold water at her face, trying to calm down from the latest shitty thing and it isn’t working. Groaning in frustration Shepard turns around and kicks her toilet. </p><p>There’s a brief blue flare and her foot goes straight through the ceramic. Fuck. She has kicked a hole into her toilet. Commander Shepard, first human spectre, hero of the citadel has just kicked a hole into her toilet. She really needs therapy.</p><p>Shepard begins to pull her foot back out but instead winces in pain. She has cut herself on a shard. Of course she has. She could try to pull her foot out fully and risk making the wound bigger or she could break off the sharp edges off the hole and carefully pull it out to avoid further injury. Shepard knows she can’t afford a wound that might impede her movement right now. </p><p>Sighing, she punches a command into her omni tool. “Garrus?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Could you come up?”</p><p>Garrus immediately sounds worried. “Are you alright?”</p><p>“Yes, I…”, if he still has any respect for her after this, she’ll have to marry him, Shepard thinks “I kicked a hole into my toilet and got stuck.”</p><p>A moment of stunned silence. Then: “What?”</p><p>“I’m not saying it again.” </p><p>“And you need me to…pull your foot out. Of your toilet.”</p><p>“Yes. I’m bleeding.”</p><p>She can tell he’s trying not to laugh. “Coming.”</p><p>He actually does and a few minutes later Shepard is still standing there, foot stuck in her toilet, with Garrus leaning against her wall wheezing with laughter.</p><p>“Can you please help me now.”</p><p>“Yes...of course...it’s just...this is so funny I’m so sorry….”, he gets hit by another fit of laughter but finally recovers, crouches and begins breaking shards off the hole. “I’m destroying alliance property.”</p><p>“I started it. And if you ever tell anyone about this you’re single.”</p><p>“I’m livestreaming to Liara and Tali right now.”</p><p>“You WHAT?!”</p><p>Garrus types at his omnitool and the voices of their hysterically laughing friends fill the room. Shepard buries her face in her hands. “This is bullying. You are bullying your commanding officer.”</p><p>Ever so gently Garrus guides her foot out of the hole. “Can you stand on it?”</p><p>“Yeah”, Shepard replies, carefully setting the food down “It’s just a surface cut.”</p><p>“Sorry ladies”, Garrus turns off his visor and omni tool, over Tali and Liara’s protests. He gets back up on his feet and kisses Shepard. “You are a menace.”</p><p>“Just add toilets to the list of species that fear me.”, Shepard laughs. “I should get Chakwas to patch this up.”</p><p>“You want me to carry you?”</p><p>“Only to the elevator.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Prompt Category: Random<br/>Prompt: I’m not buying ikea furniture again</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shepard sighs and lifts up her leg, inspecting the fresh bandage. “Thanks, Doctor”</p><p>“It’s my job”, Chakwas replies “Though if I think about it, toilet kicking injuries were never specifically mentioned.”</p><p>Garrus starts laughing again and Shepard shoots him an annoyed look, or tries to at least. Even she can’t deny that the whole situation is objectively hilarious. </p><p>“Do you often kick your furniture?”, the Doctor asks.</p><p>“Kind of”, Shepard answers, repressing another sigh “It’s a frustration thing. I once tried to build this shelf, but the instructions might as well have been in Asari. Damn maybe they should have been in Asari then I could have used my translator. I ended up snapping one of the boards in half.”</p><p>Garrus tilts his head at her. “Do you just have a...visceral hate for furniture or something?”</p><p>“Oh come on. You know I like blowing things up, that’s only one step up from breaking things. And I learned from it. I’m never building my own furniture again.”</p><p>“Don’t know if that was the right lesson.”</p><p>“No, I’m pretty sure it was.”, Shepard grins. </p><p>Both Chakwas and Garrus laugh. “You’re dismissed. But I might still put you into anger management.”</p><p>“After the war, Doctor.”</p><p>They walk out of the medbay. Shepard thinks about heading to Liara’s office and making sure there’s no recording of her with her foot stuck in the toilet, but if there is one it’s probably already double and triple backed up. She is dealing with the Shadow Broker after all.</p><p>“You know”, Garrus says “If...when we retire after all this I am not letting you near the furniture.”</p><p>“You can’t just put me in a padded cell.”</p><p>“Oh yes I can, watch me.”, he puts an arm around her waist and Shepard leans into him. Garrus takes the opportunity to swoop her up into his arms, lifting her off her feet.</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>“You’re injured.”</p><p>“It’s nothing!”</p><p>“You are also a danger to the interior design, so I am now…”, he starts making his way towards the elevator. “Carrying you to your padded cell, otherwise knows as your cabin.”</p><p>Shepard laughs and rests her head against his chest. She might be angry and stressed and frustrated, but he can always make her smile.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading :)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This entire fic has the same energy as when I spilled coffee on myself this morning and my mother spend like five minutes laughing while I was literally dripping onto the carpet. Thank you for reading.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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